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Poll: Worst soccer movies

by Josh

ditka.jpgA few weeks ago, I started to regret having Fox Soccer Channel because, in order to enjoy footie at my leisure, I had to purchase a cable package that includes HBO.

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment of my discontent, but I think it was the first time Mike Ditka and Will Ferrell appeared as co-coaches in the worst movie of all time, Kicking & Screaming.

Hollywood loves to make movies that are ostensibly about sports. The thing is, since Hollywood is filled with people who didn’t grow up playing sports, let alone soccer, the result is usually tacky, inadequate, disconnected trash.

What is the worst Hollywood depiction of soccer?

10 comments

1 Mark { 11.15.06 at 8:18 am }

To be perfectly honest, Kicking & Screaming could have been made about any sport. The same is probably true of The Big Green or Ladybugs (though unlike Josh I have never tortured myself by watching them).

And the only reason Air Bud played soccer was so that they could make more money from the Air Bud series(the dog also plays football, baseball, basketball, hockey, shuffleboard, curling, and hurling in his movies - the latter also being the fate of anyone forced to sit through those movies who isn’t under the age of 7 and the IQ of 12).

Now, if you wanted to compare movies that are actually ABOUT soccer, you could compare the most recent movie “Goal” to movies like “Bend it Like Beckham”, “Fever Pitch” (the REAL version) or the one about the American soccer player who goes to Brazil to train (the title escapes me but I think it’s from the late 70’s early 80’s).

But then, those are all pretty good, and that doesn’t really make for a good poll.

2 Josh { 11.15.06 at 8:38 am }

you could compare the most recent movie “Goal” to movies like “Bend it Like Beckham”, “Fever Pitch”

I think those last two were produced in England and I think I remember Goal being directed by a guy from England.

Hollywood just can’t do it.

3 Mark { 11.15.06 at 9:17 am }

There is no money in it for Hollywood unless you are making a kid’s movie, which pretty much all four of the ones on this poll are.

Didn’t Stuart Little play soccer in one of his movies too?

4 Josh { 11.15.06 at 9:25 am }

There is no money in it for Hollywood unless you are making a kid’s movie, which pretty much all four of the ones on this poll are.

I suppose that’s kind of my point. It would be nice if we could get past the idea that soccer is just for kids.

5 Nate { 11.15.06 at 9:40 am }

For what it’s worth…

6 Dan { 11.15.06 at 10:23 am }

I will tell: Ladybugs was rad, but the rest all pretty much qualify as some of the worst cinematic endeavors undertaken in modern history. Only Coyote Ugly and Showgirls even have a chance where that is concerned. Josh, if you get dish you don’t have to buy the HBO package. Oops, did I say package?

7 Mark { 11.15.06 at 10:49 am }

Nate,

Thanks for the list. I will have to rent “Switching Goals” with the Olsen Twins!

8 Jeremy { 11.15.06 at 11:15 am }

My thanks to Nate as well; that’s a nice site. The only movie on the soccer list that I’ve seen any part of was Shaolin Soccer, and it was probably about 20 minutes, if that. In those 20 minutes, though, I saw soccer, I saw Kung Fu, and mostly I saw both at the same time… and it was comedy gold.

9 Soccer Dad { 11.18.06 at 8:29 pm }

Soccer Dog - it was an Air Bud type ripoff that was even worse than Air Bud. MUCH worse. But the rule scene with the crusty old lady and the huge gold edge rule book was good for a laugh

10 Josh { 11.20.06 at 8:56 am }

Soccer Dad:

Why do I get the suspicion that you have a shelf full of these movies? ;-)

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