U.S. 1-0 Guatemala; I’ll write a real match report someday
Following are my real-time notes on the United States’ first game of the Gold Cup. Things you should know about this game. “CRCC” stands for “Carlos Ruiz Cheat Count.” Also, Michael Bradley is the son of the U.S. coach, Bob Bradley.
4th minute: Can somebody explain to me what the hell is wrong with the people in Los Angeles? Why are there more Guatemala fans than USA fans?
5th minute: Just in case you hadn’t heard, Max Bretos wants you to know that Michael Bradley is the son of the U.S. coach, Bob Bradley. Huh.
Also in the 5th: CRCC: 1
10th minute: What are Christopher Sullivan’s credentials, precisely?
11th minute: CRCC: 2
15th minute: Max asks who will fill Claudio Reyna’s boots. It’s a fair question because the team is lacking the kind of guy who will pick up a nagging injury and make critical mistakes.
20th minute: Sullivan calls one of the Guatemalans a “gladiator.”
21st minute: A superb, acrobatic attempt from Dempsey who I’m beginning to believe is the best athlete on the team.
24th minute: Did you know that Michael Bradley is the son of the U.S. coach, Bob Bradley?
25th minute: The Guatemalans do not respect Beasley and he’s going to eat them up all night until they do.
26th minute: Great goal by Deuce, by way of Beasley and Twellman. Dempsey makes up for his poor goal celebration against China by dusting himself off for the camera.
31st minute: Frankie Hejduk does all the little things right. He forces a save out of the keeper on what should have been an easy pick up. Those things add up over 90 minutes.
34th minute: CRCC: 3
36th minute: U.S. running scared right now. Strange.
37th minute: Sullivan is disappointed that Carlos Ruiz is whistled for “using his body.” CRCC: 4
38th minute: It’s a good thing Taylor Twellman chalked up a nice assist earlier because his spectacular miss over the bar would cause a lot of coaches to sit him down. What a great cross from Donovan.
40th minute: FSC is content to focus on the Guatemalan coach while his team has a legitimate chance to score.
41st minute: Immediately after Carlos Ruiz flubs a great chance, Sullivan talks about how Ruiz “will make something out of nothing.”
43rd minute: Ruiz, who can “make something out of nothing” cannot make something out something and wastes a free kick high and wide.
44th minute: Sullivan speaks in nothing but affected-accent-clichés.
45th minute: Sullivan refers to Leonel Noriega as a “gladiator.” That makes two. Two gladiators for Guatemala.
Halftime: I’ve always wondered what kind of demographic data Fox Soccer Channel. If the ads during this intermission are any indication, the average viewer is so frustrated by his E.D that he has to go fishing with a tiny pole.
46th minute: CCRC: 5
49th minute: CCRC: 6. He’s on a roll now.
57th minute: CCRC: 7 but Gooch gets booked.
58th minute: Gooch sarcastically applauds the referee. He needs to simmer down right now and check his temper in general.
61st minute: Eddie Johnson comes in for the goal-scorer, Dempsey. This game is a good opportunity for him since Guatemala isn’t much better than your average MLS team.
64th minute: Eddie Johnson looks scared to death.
64th and 65th minutes: Great possession by the U.S. as they string together 20 straight passes. Finally broken up by…Eddie Johnson
68th minute: Sullivan knows the nicknames of all the Guatemalan players. Meanwhile, Eddie Johnson trips over himself.
69th minute: Finally some fireworks as Ruiz and Donovan go after each other. FSC refuses to show a replay of the incident that led up to the altercation. And, really, why would they? I’m sure no one got the shot.
72nd minute: Sullivan says someone has “carte blanche” which means that, in addition to his pretend accent, he also speaks French.
73rd minute: Gooch is gone. The second yellow is well-deserved. Welcome to the Home Depot Center, located in beautiful San Salvador, Port of Spain, or Guatemala City.
77th minute: CRCC: 8; the captain, Bocanegra, booked.
86th minute: U.S. hanging on for dear life now. Donavan blindsided and spiked by Noriega. The Gladiator is booked.
89th minute: Noriega is subbed out with a minute remaining. Some gladiator.
90th minute: CRCC: 9; Ruiz undercuts and kicks out at Bocanegra, who lands hard. No card.
Full time: Not a pretty win by any stretch but an important one. The U.S. needs to get over the fact the CONCACAF referees are not going to give them calls.
5 comments
>>Max asks who will fill Claudio Reyna’s boots. It’s a fair question because the team is lacking the kind of guy who will pick up a nagging injury and make critical mistakes.
Okay — that didn’t work out . . . I had meant to add
“You are the play-by-play Sensei.”
*bows*
Sullivian’s bio can be found in several places. I would start at the Wiki. He actually was a decent player and played on the 90 W.C. team. I don’t think he is quite as bad as you are making him out to be. But I would agree with most of your other comments.
I thought Twellman was not crap but he certainly had two great opportunities. I thought Hey dude was pretty much crap. He did a lot of running and missed a lot of marks along the way. Capped off by a run he made up the flank at the 88th min. when we are ahead, trying to desperately hold on and playing a man down. I saw Ralston roll into his spot immediately. Than about a min. later there is a long ball forward over the head of the most advanced player who was….you guessed it, Frankie. What the hell was he doing up there. What a head case.
Johnson was hopeless which was really disappointing with the run he has had in MLS recently.
Beasly was another one who missed at least 3 opportunities to score. Not one of his shots was convincing.
Donavon was not playing in his position and he did about as well as he is going to do in that position. I don’t think he took much leadership in the game which is not a big surprise. I did like it that he was the guy to finally hold onto the ball and slow things down when we had a run of about 10 min. with no possession to speak of. If only he would realize that he can have that sort of effect on the team the whole game.
Why did Gooch go after that player at the moment. Stupid, stupid, stupid. No the first yellow was not fair. So what! Get on with it and get over it. This did not help his chances of finding a team in Europe this coming fall.
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